What Happens When Frodo Swallows the One Ring
by LegolasLover and GubblebumPony
Summary: UPDATED AT LONG LAST! Psychotic rabbits, an attack sausage, Frodo swallowing the Ring, random character bashing, Aragorn's much needed bath, a missing boot, Gandalf yelling like crazy, Nazgul attacks and a million other things!
1. Of Rabbits and the Ring

Author: LegolasLover  
  
Title: What Happens When Frodo Swallows The One Ring  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Feedback: Yes please! i_must_be_good@somethingorother.com  
  
Distribution: Yeah, take it. as long as you give me the credit.  
  
Disclaimer: Tolkien is an author of the highest order. I am not. Tolkien owns Lord of the Rings. I do not. Tolkien is dead. I am not. Therefore, I am not Tolkien. Neither are you.  
  
Summary: The title kinda gives it all away, doesn't it? Oh, and this story is almost total rubbish and stupidity. I am not poking fun at Tolkien's characters... well, except maybe Frodo......  
  
Notes: Set somewhere in Middle Earth, not sure where. All the Fellowship are still together, but Frodo and Sam are alone at the start of the story, because the others have gone off to search for firewood, food and water. Please review, even if you hate it. I wanna know what you think.  
  
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*1*  
  
"Mister Frodo!" Sam called. "Where are you?"  
  
"I'm over here you moron! I'm being attacked!!!" Frodo replied.  
  
Sam began to run in endless circles. "What-do-I-do, What-do-I-do, What-do-I- do?!?!?!?!?!?!?"  
  
"Come and save me you freaking idiot!" Frodo screamed. Sam came to his senses and looked around for a weapon. He could not see much, save for a bag of cooking utensils lying on a nearby rock. He gabbed it, and stumbled over some larger rocks to Frodo's aid.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!" Frodo shrieked. Sam noticed that Frodo had a very girly scream. "Help me Samwise, you twot! It's trying to kill me!"  
  
Sam reached into the bag of utensils and closed his hand around a long, cold object.  
  
"I'm coming! Don't you worry Mister Frodo!" Sam whipped out the long, cold object; a frozen sausage. "Where is it Mister Frodo Sir?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Right there! It's a savage monster!!! HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!!"  
  
Looking around, Sam spotted the offending "monster".  
  
"Mister Frodo, it ain't naught but a rabbit!" Sam sighed. "But I suppose I did promise Gandalf I would look after you. You'd better watch out Mister Rabbit! For I wield the Lethal Sausage of Doom. The most deadly piece of processed meat in all of Middle Earth!"  
  
With that, Sam ran over to Frodo waving said "Lethal Sausage of Doom" above his head. Unfortunately, the sausage slipped from his hand and fell to the ground. Sam tripped over the frozen meat, and fell upon an extremely startled Frodo. Sam scrambled off his friend and reached for the sausage, which he proceeded to throw at the rabbit. It hit the creature square in the head and rolled away down the rocky hill.  
  
The rabbit stopped dead. It stood up on its rear legs and tapped its large foot on the ground three times. All was quiet for a moment. Then, the hobbits heard what sounded very much like hundreds of small animals stampeding over the hill towards them. They hurried to their feet and glanced around. Sure enough, they saw hundreds of small animals stampeding over the hill towards them. Sam and Frodo could only assume that they were rabbits, which, of course, they were.  
  
When the giant herd of rabbits reached the top of the hill, they stopped behind the one which Sam had thrown the sausage at, and stared at the hobbits evilly. The leader stamped its foot on the ground, and, suddenly, all the other rabbits charged at the poor hobbits.  
  
"Owie, owie, owie!!!" screamed Frodo as a little black rabbit bit him on the nose. Sam was batting at the rabbits with his hands, but, as they seemed to enjoy eating his fingers, it wasn't the best form of defence.  
  
The leader, meanwhile, was sitting upon a rock surveying the situation, when it noticed the shiny gold ring hanging from Frodo's neck. It leaped at the hobbit, knocking some of the other rabbits aside.  
  
"Look out mister Frodo!!" Sam yelled. "That rabbit is trying to take the ring! Quickly, hide it!!!"  
  
Frodo screamed as the rabbit flew toward him. He grabbed the ring and pulled it off the chain from which it hung. He was planning to put the ring on, but the rabbit knocked it from his hand... straight into his mouth. Frodo jerked in surprise, and unintentionally swallowed the ring. He rolled over, coughing and gagging. But it was too late. The ring had begun its journey through his body.  
  
The rabbits seemed to become more aggravated at seeing this, and proceeded to drag Frodo(kicking and screaming) and Sam, down the hill by their ears. They were only halfway down, however, when Aragorn came into view. In his hand was a large pitcher of water. He spotted Frodo and Sam amongst the mass of rabbits and ran up the hill to help them. He placed the pitcher on the ground, and stepped towards the rabbits, who were standing still, but keeping a firm grip on the hobbit's ears.  
  
"Sam, I think Aragorn has come to save us from these crazy rodents," Frodo said hopefully.  
  
"I think so too Mister Frodo," Sam said. "But what did you do with the ring?"  
  
"I... uh, I'll tell you later," Frodo replied. "After we're free from the rabbits."  
  
Sam nodded, but with some difficulty, as the rabbits grip on his ears was rather strong. Aragorn took another step towards the rabbits and bent over slightly lifting his hands to his face.  
  
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!" he growled.  
  
The rabbits twitched their noses at him and pricked up their ears, but did not move. Aragorn tried again.  
  
"GRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"  
  
Suddenly, the rabbits let go of the hobbits and ran. Aragorn congratulated himself on saving the hobbits. Of course, he didn't notice Legolas and Gimli standing behind him, bow and axe at the ready. He didn't notice that is, until Legolas fired a shot from his bow. Two arrows flew through the air and hit two large rabbits in their rears, causing them to drop to the ground. Then Legolas ran to fetch the dead rodents from where they lay.  
  
Aragorn frowned. Gimli walked forwards and patted Aragorn's arm.  
  
"You can't win 'em all can ya laddie!" he said brightly. Aragorn scowled at the dwarf. Legolas returned carrying the two rabbits, one in each hand.  
  
"This will make a fine addition to tonight's dinner," he said.  
  
"Yes indeed," Aragorn muttered. Although Aragorn spoke politely to the elf, his feelings were a lot different on the inside...  
  
'Stupid show-off of an elf! Why must he continuously steal my lime-light? And why is he prettier than me? I was supposed to be the prettiest one in the Fellowship. But stupid Lord Elrond insisted we take a stupid prissy elf on this stupid boring quest. Anyway, what does the elf have that I don't? Apart from pretty hair, awesome eyesight, fantastic hearing, great skill with bow and arrows, perfect cheekbones and a good body, what does he have to offer the Fellowship? I am the rightful King of Gondor! I should be obeyed and bowed down to by all. Not humiliated in front of the dumb, lazy hobbits by a stupid elf!' Aragorn thought to himself.  
  
"Thankyou friend Legolas! Thankyou friend Gimli!" Sam said, relieved to be free of the rabbits at last.  
  
The group stood in silence for a few moments, until they heard the nearby voices of Merry and Pippin, along with the heavy footsteps of Boromir and Gandalf.  
  
They reached the others, arms laden with berries, apples, herbs, fish and other delicious food.  
  
"My friends," Boromir said. "We shall eat well tonight!" 


	2. Of Talents and Terrible Singing

For those of you who care, here is the second chapter...  
  
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*2*  
  
"An' vren, a 'uge monther came 'harging out 'o the 'ushes an'..." (A/N: If you didn't quite get that, he said something along the lines of "And then, a huge monster came charging out of the bushes and...")  
  
'Slow down Pip!" Merry warned.  
  
Pippin swallowed his mouthful of food loudly. "Where was I?"  
  
"You were-" Sam began, but was cut off by Boromir.  
  
"I think we've heard quite enough of Pippin's story for tonight."  
  
Gandalf nodded. "I have a better idea. Why don't we have a sort of talent show. Each of us takes a turn to show off a special talent that we have which we don't often display. It may take our minds off whatever danger lies ahead."  
  
Everyone agreed, and so the talent show began. Gandalf allowed each competitor five minutes to decide on an act, before calling them all to attention.  
  
"I will be the judge of this contest," he told them. "The winner gets to give everybody else, aside from me, of course, a task to complete. Failure to complete the task will result in your suffering," he explained. "Now, who would like to go first?"  
  
Sam volunteered.  
  
"OK Samwise," Gandalf said, "What hidden talent will you be showing us tonight?"  
  
"I will be showing you, that despite my outer appearance, I'm quite spry," Sam replied. He bowed low to the Fellowship, and then turned the bow into a handstand. He flipped over, landing on his feet. He launched himself into a cartwheel, then continued with a one-handed cartwheel, forwards flip and backbend. He stood, and bowed once more. Everyone clapped.  
  
"Very good Samwise," Gandalf complimented. "Who's next? Aragorn?"  
  
Aragorn moved to the front of the group.  
  
"I will be displaying my musical talent by playing you a short tune."  
  
Boromir raised an eyebrow. "On what? You don't have any instruments," he pointed out.  
  
"Yes, but you do," Aragorn said and smiled slyly. Boromir looked confused. Before he actually realised what he meant, Aragorn had snatched the Horn of Gondor from Boromir's belt.  
  
"HEY!" Boromir shouted. Gimli kicked him hard in the back.  
  
"Let the man show us his act."  
  
Aragorn walked back to the front of the group with the horn in one hand. "As I was saying, I will play a short tune for you tonight, using the Horn of Gondor."  
  
Everyone nodded. Then, Aragorn shoved the horn up his nose(Boromir cursed) and played an old war tune using the air from his nostrils. As soon as he was finished, he offered the horn back to its owner. Boromir grabbed it from his grasp quickly and wiped it on his cloak.  
  
"Umm, what an... amusing act..." Gandalf managed. "Moving right along, we have... Legolas?"  
  
Legolas nodded and stood up.  
  
"For my act, I will sing an Elvish battle song while standing on my head, shooting an arrow at a target with my feet."  
  
The fellowship looked at the elf in wonder. Legolas smiled.  
  
"Alright," said Gandalf, "Please begin."  
  
Legolas took off his boots and grabbed his bow and one arrow. He did a backbend and ended up on his head, facing the audience.  
  
"Aragorn, could you please hold one of my boots above your head?" Aragorn obliged. " I have not done this for a while, so I may not be as accurate as I used to be," Aragorn paled. Legolas laughed.  
  
"Just kidding," he added quickly. "No, but really, I've actually never done this before in my life."  
  
Aragorn dropped the boot and ran to hide behind Gimli, obviously failing due to their difference in height. Gimli moved to the side, exposing Aragorn to Legolas. Legolas waved his arrow at Aragorn, who shreiked and ducked behind Gimli again. The elf smirked.  
  
Gandalf stifled a laugh. "I think that's quite enough for Legolas's act."  
  
Aragorn peeked out from behind Gimli. "Really?" he asked cautiously.  
  
"Yes. I think it has been entertaining enough as it is. But as he could not complete his act, I shall give him extra points. Who would like to go next?  
  
Gimli volunteered. He walked up to the front of the Fellowship and said, "I will be singing a dwarf melody, which I made up myself."  
  
He launched into the song. Legolas cried out in fear and ran as far away as he could. Then Gimli hit a high note and everyone screamed and covered their ears. Legolas cursed loudly in Elvish from his hiding place in the distance. Gimli eventually understood that no-one really appreciated listening to him singing, and stopped.  
  
Gandalf spoke, "As Gimli has demonstrated, it is a good idea to carefully think about what your actual italents/i are before competing in a talent contest. However, I think that this contest should now officially be declared over, in case we are subjected to more... interesting... acts such as Gimli's. But, as I stated at the start, there will be a winner. And there is. Me. I had to put up with all these pathetically boring acts, besides Legolas's, which was quite amusing really, and so I think that I deserve to be the winner. Now you must all complete a set task. If you fail, prepare for utter humiliation!! Muahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!" he finished.  
  
Merry looked annoyed. "But we didn't get our turn. We shouldn't have to do anything."  
  
"Shuttup Master Brandybuck! You will do what I say!!!"  
  
"Yes Mister Gandalf, sir," Merry answered.  
  
"Legolas will be the only one not to complete a task, as I enjoyed his act, and I also have no idea where he is," Gandalf explained. "As for the rest of you..." he smiled evilly.  
  
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There you are... will be continued shortly. Plz R&R!!! Thanks to Shenzee for her review. Greatly appreciated... unlike Gimli's singing. Till next time!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Of Bananas and Backrubs part 1

Alrighty, the third chapter is here! This is only the first part, the second part will be posted as a different chapter. I have no idea how long it will take for me to finish this fic.... how long does it usually take for something to pass through a person's system?... Please R&R!!! :)  
  
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*3*  
{part 1}  
  
"Mister Frodo, is it just me, or are these tasks grossly unfair?" Sam complained as he massaged Gandalf's feet.  
  
"No, it's not just you Sam," Frodo replied and continued scrubbing Gandalf's back.  
  
Sam nodded. "And to think, this is all Gimli's fault. If his singing didn't sound so horrible, Gandalf would not have called off the contest, as we would either be lounging around while everyone did our bidding, or doing nice, sensible tasks, like making sandwiches out of gross foods, then eating them."  
  
"Frodo, scrub a little more to the left," Gandalf commanded. Frodo did as he was told. "And Peregin Took!" he called out. "Bring the bananas which you have carved amusing faces on over here now!"  
  
Pippin placed a large heap of bananas in a basket and brought them over to the wizard. Gandalf inspected them closely. "These faces are not amusing! Go back and do them again!"  
  
"But Gandalf, sir, there ain't no more bananas. I used them all already," Pippin protested.  
  
"Then you shall have to wait until Aragorn and Boromir return with more."  
  
As if on cue, Boromir and Aragorn emerged from the forest. They carried nothing.  
  
"Where are all the bananas I requested?" Gandalf inquired.  
  
"There was nothing left," Boromir supplied.  
  
"Besides," said Aragorn, "I do believe that bananas do not grow in these parts at all."  
  
"Then you will be forced to suffer. OH GIMLI?!?!"  
  
Gimli poked his head out from Gandalf's tent, where he had been organising every object that the wizard owned in alphabetical order. (A/N: Please don't ask why they have tents. They just do.)  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you know any Elven songs with lots of high notes in them?"  
  
"Nay, but I do know a rather high pitched dwarf song that the women would sing to their children. Will that do?"  
  
"I believe it will. Legolas!(Legolas appeared from up a tree in the distance.) Please escort these gentlemen to a far away place, and tie them to a tree."  
  
Legolas ran over to the group and grabbed onto Boromir and Aragorn by the arm. Then, he and Gimli led them away and tied them to a tree. Gimli took a breath. Legolas could tell what was coming. He bolted. Gimli began to sing. Aragorn tried to cover his ears, but, as he could not move his hands, he was forced to listen the horrid gravelly voice of the dwarf as he sung happily off key.  
  
Legolas shuddered as he ran off. "I pity those poor fools," he muttered.  
  
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TO BE CONTINUED.........  
  
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 


	4. Of Bananas and Backrubs part 2

Ok. Here is the second part of the third chapter. I have decided to start answering reviews at the end of each chapter, so if you have any questions, you know where to look for the answers. Sorry about the length of the last chapter... this one will be fairly short too. I just thought that the last one seemed like it should end there, so I made it into a two part chapter. Sorry if I'm confusing you, but here you go anyway: The second part of the third chapter of this particular story!! Plz review!  
  
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*** Legolas shuddered as he ran off. "I pity those poor fools," he muttered.***  
  
"Boromir," whispered Aragorn, "We have to get out of here!"  
  
Boromir thought for a second, a rather hard feat, considering Gimli was still singing extremely loudly and off key. "Try to break your bonds by rubbing the rope up and down on the tree bark."  
  
The men quickly cut their bonds and proceeded to strangle Gimli. The dwarf could not fend off two men at once, and so was forced to slowly suffocate while they squeezed his throat.  
  
Gimli had turned a rather lovely shade of blue, when Merry burst through the bushes. Aragorn and Boromir jumped back and drew their weapons. They looked around for the offender. Boromir spotted Merry and put his sword away. Aragorn followed suit. "What are you doing here?" he growled.  
  
"Saving Gimli, by the looks of it," Merry replied and looked at Gimli suspiciously. Gimli coughed and attempted to stand, his face still a deep shade of blue. He leant against a tree, breathing hard. Aragorn looked at Gimli, then at merry, then at Boromir. Boromir glanced at Aragorn, and they both ran.  
  
"Thankya... laddie," Gimli breathed. Merry whacked Gimli on the back a few times, while Gimli tried to get over his coughing fit. When Gimli appeared to have recovered, Merry spoke.  
  
"What in the name of Sauron was going on here?"  
  
"Gandalf, he told me to sing."  
  
"He told you to sing?"  
  
"Ai, to Aragorn and Boromir. They failed their tasks."  
  
Merry looked horrified.  
  
"You don't suppose everyone will have the same... fate... do you?" he asked.  
  
"Nay, for I would not risk singing again. Not when my voice is so despised in everyone's ears."  
  
"A wise choice it seems," came the soft voice of a nearby elf. Legolas stepped out from the shadows. "Gandalf wishes for us to return to camp at once."  
  
He led Merry and Gimli out of the forest and back to Gandalf.  
  
"The tasks are over now," Gandalf explained. He seemed to be back to his normal self. "You may go. Master Brandybuck, did you complete your task of constructing a hobbit-sized one room hut out of grass and sticks?"  
  
Merry looked at the wizard. He thought for a minute. "... Yes. I- umm, I did," he lied. Gandalf stared at him for a moment. Merry blinked innocently.  
  
"Very well then. You may go too. Get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us." ...... * * * * *Later that night, In Sam and Frodo's tent* * * * *  
  
"So, Mister Frodo," Sam started, "What became of the ring?"  
  
Frodo gulped. He looked at Sam and then at the chain around his neck where the ring had hung only hours before. "Sam, you may not believe this, but I swallowed it," he admitted.  
  
"YOU WHAT?! Mister Frodo, this is serious! What are we going to do?"  
  
"Well, I just figured that I would wait around for it to pass through my body, and-"  
  
"MISTER FRODO! THE RING OF POWER IS IN YOUR STOMACH!" Sam cried.  
  
"I understand that Sam, but everything will be alright. It cant take long for something so small to pass through a hobbit's system, can it?"  
  
Sam shook his head. "Who knows what that ring could do to you while it's inside your body. Mister Frodo, what if it kills you?" he whispered.  
  
"SAM! It's not going to kill me. Just... don't tell the others, alright?"  
  
Sam nodded. The two hobbits heard footsteps from outside their tent.  
  
"Would you be quiet in there? Some of us are trying to get to sleep."  
  
The hobbits were silent. Aragorn walked off muttering about inconsiderate hobbits and pretty elves.  
  
"Don't worry Mister Frodo. Your secret is safe with me," Sam assured.  
  
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K. There it is. The second half of the third chapter. Hope you like!! Now, like I said, I will be answering questions at the end of each chapter. The only one I have at the moment is from crazyrabidfangurl01. She asks: "Why didn't everyone get to show their acts?"  
  
Well, basically it's partly because I couldn't think of any other stupid acts and partly because I wanted to have a reason to make Gandalf win the contest so that he could be evil. He is the only one(apart from maybe Aragorn) who I can imagine asking Frodo to rub his back or Pippin to carve amusing faces in bananas. So there you go. Question answered. Please review, and keep reading!! 


	5. Of Gandalf Yelling Like a Looney

Here it is guys!! Chapter 4... which is actually listed as chapter 5, so I will call it chapter 5 instead. I hope you're enjoying it so far. Plz review. Questions and stuff answered at the bottom as usual.  
  
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* 5 *  
  
Frodo and Sam awoke the next morning to the sound of singing out side their tent. They crawled out of their sleeping bags and unzipped the tent flap. Pippin and Merry were sitting just outside their tent, which was right next to Frodo and Sam's, singing loudly. Pippin spotted the other hobbits and smiled crookedly. He nudged Merry, who stopped singing and waved. They appeared to be drunk.  
  
"Hey Frodo! What's this 'bout you making a meal of the Ring?" Merry called.  
  
"Shhh... Merry, if Mister Gandalf or Strider hears you, mister Frodo will be in for trouble," warned Sam.  
  
Unfortunately, Aragorn chose that moment to emerge from his tent, looking untidy and in need of a bath, as usual.  
  
"What aren't I supposed to hear hobbit? Speak!"  
  
Merry and Pippin looked up at the ranger. He breathed down on them, warm, foul smelling breath. The hobbits looked at each other and scurried back inside their tent, leaving Sam and Frodo to fend for themselves.  
  
"Well?!"  
  
"Uh, well, you see Mister... Strider, sir... Frodo seems to have, well, he seems to have m-misplaced the ring," Sam stammered.  
  
"HE WHAT!!?!??!"  
  
Frodo spoke up. "I-It's true, although I do know where it is... You see, yesterday when we were attacked by those rabbits, one of them tried to steal the ring. It knocked the ring out of my hand... I swallowed it."  
  
"YOU WHAT!!?!??!"  
  
"I-I-I-swallowed-the-One-Ring." He repeated, very fast. "And-you-really- need-a-bath," he added as an afterthought.  
  
Aragorn seemed not to understand.  
  
"YOU WHAT!!?!??!"  
  
"You heard him," Sam defended, "He swallowed the One Ring, and you really need a bath."  
  
Boromir stuck his head out from the tent he shared with Aragorn. "He's right you know. And whether it be me, Legolas or the dwarf Gimli who does it, we will see to it that you get one. The whole tent reeks." With that, he exited the tent and walked around for a few minutes, breathing in the fresh morning air, before walking over to the tent that Legolas shared with Gimli and letting himself in.  
  
Aragorn was fuming. "I DO NOT need a bath! How dare you insult me, Aragorn son of Arathorn, in such a way!? Hobbits, Elves, Dwarves... even my own kin... all turn against me, their rightful ruler! Such treachery should be forsaken in these lands..."  
  
"Sam, what is he talking about?"  
  
"I have not the faintest idea Mister Frodo."  
  
"... I am Gondor's one true king. None shall stand against me and all shall hear me and obey! I, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, definitely do NOT need a bath!" Aragorn finished.  
  
Sam and Frodo exchanged glances, and stared at Aragorn, mystified.  
  
"What are you looking at hobbits? Don't just stand there staring! I haven't forgotten about the ring. Oh, no, not at all. Gandalf will have a thing or two to say about it, I think..." Aragorn stalked off to the wizard's tent.  
  
Sam and Frodo stood rooted to the spot, until Gandalf came sweeping out of his tent towards them.  
  
"I have a feeling this may be worse than the rabbits Mister Frodo," Sam whispered.  
  
"I have a feeling that you may be right Sam."  
  
The wizard reached the hobbits and looked down upon them menacingly. The hobbits cringed.  
  
"FORDO BAGGINS! YOU WERE ENTRUSTED WITH THE ONE RING, AND YET IT SEEMS THAT YOU HAVE EATEN IT! HOW COULD YOU HAVE BEEN SO CARELESS?"  
  
"Swallowed it," Sam mumbled.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY SAMWISE GAMGEE?" demanded Gandalf.  
  
"Frodo. He didn't EAT the ring... he swallowed it. It- It's the rabbit's fault."  
  
Frodo nodded in agreement. By this time, every member of the fellowship was standing around, staring open-mouthed at the wizard's outrage. Aragorn was the only one who didn't seem shocked. In fact, he looked rather pleased with himself.  
  
"OH, HE SWALLOWED IT DID HE? AND I SUPPOSE THE RABBIT KNOCKED IT OUT OF HIS HAND INTO HIS MOUTH, WHICH SURPRISED HIM SO MUCH THAT HE GULPED IT DOWN?!?"  
  
Sam looked at Frodo. Frodo looked at Gandalf.  
  
"Actually-" he began, but Sam shot him a warning looked and Frodo decided to leave it. Gandalf started up again.  
  
"WHAT EFFECT WILL THIS HAVE ON YOUR BODY? THE ONE RING IS A DANGER TO IT'S BEARER, YES, BUT THIS IS WORSE. YOU ARE DIGESTING THE RING OF POWER. DO Y-"  
  
Gandalf stopped short. Frodo had disappeared! Sam reached out to where Frodo had been standing. His fingers connected with something solid.  
  
"Oww! Watch the face!"  
  
"Mister Frodo? Is that you?" Sam wondered.  
  
"Of course it is Sam. Who else would it be? .... Why is everyone looking so surprised? What's going on?"  
  
Merry and Pippin walked over to Sam cautiously. Suddenly, Merry tripped over an unseen object, and fell into Pippin. They both landed on the ground at Sam's feet.  
  
"Hey! Watch out!" Frodo called. Everyone looked around. Pippin and Merry climbed to their feet.  
  
"Where are ye hobbit?" Gimli questioned. "We cannot see ye!"  
  
"You.... can't see me?"  
  
"No, as odd as it seems, you are not visible to even my eyes," Legolas answered.  
  
"Ai," said Boromir. "Something is amiss."  
  
"What is everyone talking about? I'm right here!" Frodo cried.  
  
Pippin looked thoughtful. "Do you think maybe the ring has something to do with this? It does make people invisible when they put it on, after all."  
  
"Yes indeed Master Took," Gandalf said slowly. "Yes indeed..."  
  
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That's it for now... next chappie should be up soon, provided I get some good reviews. Doesn't Gandalf sound like an angry mother?  
  
DaredevilX, Aragorn was muttering about pretty elves in a bad way, like when he was jealous of Leggy and thinking about how he wasn't the prettiest one in the fellowship because of the elf. It was just a little extra to add into his inconsiderate hobbits mumbling...  
  
And, The Noble Platypus, that is a very good question. Where did the first batch of bananas come from? I have absolutely no idea whatsoever. Maybe Gandalf magicked them and planned to say that the faces Pippin carved weren't amusing so that he could punish Aragorn and Boromir when they couldn't find any more. Or maybe they were just rations from everyone's supplies... I dunno! Use your imagination!!!  
  
Don't forget to review or the next chappie may never come! ;) 


	6. Of Bathing and Boot Loss

Chapter 6! Oh Chapter 6!! Dum dee dum dee dum dum!!! *ahem*...  
  
I have decided to dedicate this story to all my wonderful reviewers, who have followed the story through its progress from chapter 1 to this, chapter 6.  
  
Anyway, onto chappie 6 -----  
  
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"The ring, it seems, has become caught on something in Frodo's digestive system. I do not much care to imagine what exactly it is caught on, but that seems like the most realistic conclusion," Boromir announced.  
  
"Yes Boromir, I believe you are right," replied Gandalf.  
  
Everyone nodded and looked understanding. Legolas however looked concerned.  
  
"If I may point out a slight problem?"  
  
"And what would that be, master elf?" Aragorn asked rudely.  
  
Legolas rolled his eyes at Aragorn and continued, "Are the Nazgûl not drawn to the power of the ring, more so when one is wearing it?"  
  
Sam exchanged worried glances with Merry and Pippin. Gandalf tapped his staff on the ground loudly.  
  
"It has become apparent that Frodo is unsafe while invisible. We must keep a close watch on him at all times." The wizard explained.  
  
"Ai, but Gandalf, how are we to keep watch on him when we cannot see him?" Gimli questioned.  
  
"The hobbit shall wear a cloak," Boromir stated, as though it were obvious. "Then we will always know where he is."  
  
And so Frodo was clothed in a light Elven cloak from Legolas's pack. Of course, it was so long on him that it trailed along the ground, so they were forced to cut it to size. They went about the rest of their day normally, until sometime in the afternoon when Boromir, Legolas and Gimli disappeared into the woods together.  
  
* * *In the Woods* * *  
  
"My friends," Boromir began, "It has become a problem to us all. I can barely sleep at night. The orcs can sense us from miles away. And the fresh air is being polluted by it. Lord Aragorn's stench is incredible."  
  
"Ai, that is true to say the least," Legolas agreed.  
  
"We must make him bathe," Gimli added.  
  
There was silence while the trio leaned against trees and pondered about how best to give Aragorn his much needed bath. Gimli looked around thoughtfully. He saw a small shallow lake behind some trees. He looked back to Boromir and Legolas. Both of them seemed to have the same idea as he did, for they were also looking decidedly at the lake.  
  
The three came together in a small circle and devised a plan. They decided to put it into action later that afternoon, when Aragorn would least expect it...  
  
* * *Later That Afternoon* * *  
  
The fellowship were busy preparing dinner and talking about the journey ahead of them. Aragorn was on water collection duty, ere go Boromir, Legolas and Gimli's plan. Aragorn retrieved the water pitcher from his tent, and headed off towards the lake. Gimli was the first to see him leave, and alerted the other two. Silently, they crept through the trees behind him as he grew closer and closer to the water...  
  
*IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH* We interrupt this story to bring you a special announcement from the author: Hi guys! Now, for those of you who don't know I have decided to write a series of "What Happens When Frodo..." fics. I really need ideas for them, so if you guys have any, please add them into your review! If I use one of the ideas, I will dedicate the story to the one who came up with it!! Please help me out a little here!! Thankyou all for your time. Now, back to the story.........*  
  
... Aragorn reached the edge of the lake. Legolas and Boromir continued through the trees until they were standing one on either side of the ranger, but still remained hidden in the thick foliage. Gimli followed Aragorn from behind, and walked very quietly, being careful not to let Aragorn hear or see him. When Aragorn leaned down to fill the pitcher with water, Boromir signalled the others and they all sprang from their positions. They grabbed Aragorn and shoved him into the lake before the unfortunate man had time to react.  
  
"Uh, Legolas? Can Lord Aragorn swim?" Boromir asked as Aragorn's head went underwater.  
  
"I only assume he can," the Elf answered, unconcerned.  
  
Gimli laughed. Aragorn's head broke the surface of the lake and he breathed hard. Then he paddled back to the edge, cursing. He climbed up the bank and stood before them, dripping with water and looking substantially cleaner than he had five minutes ago.  
  
Gimli looked at Boromir, who looked at Legolas.  
  
"Now might be a good time to run," Boromir advised. They all looked at Aragorn one last time, noticing that he was missing a boot, before running back to camp.  
  
And so Aragorn was left alone at the water's edge, dripping wet, and smelling slightly better, with a pitcher full of water and only one boot. He trudged back to camp. The one boot he had left was full of water and made a squelching sound with every step he took.  
  
"I will get you back," he growled. "I will get revenge!"  
  
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Will be updated shortly. Please review.  
  
Okies... question answering time!  
  
Tiny Tim: Glad you like the story, and sorry if I'm being too clean for you. That's just the way I write. I may do something gory and less clean later, so keep an eye out. And I do not know how I get so many reviews. I think it may have a lot to do with what you call your fic. The title makes people want to read it more. Or something...  
  
Mr Padfoot1: Well, Aragorn has obviously gotten his bath. And he isn't really power hungry, just stupid... I like poking fun at some of the characters(namely Aragorn and Frodo, don't ask why). As for you asking questions, I do not know why you are, but I have answered them for you now! :D  
  
4-eyes: It seems that Gandalf has saned down, although you never know when he'll lose it again... hehehe!!  
  
There you go. Questions answered. Keep reading and don't forget to review!!! 


	7. Of Revenge Plans and Other Things

Uh, sorry this took so long, but we were recently banned from posting new stories or chapters on this site. I really don't know why, but it has something to do with our other fic, which has been removed, Legolas's Birthday Party: Reviewers Invited! Due to failure to "comply with the rules". Don't ask. If you were reading this story, please check out 'Those Stupid, Phooey People' which will explain it all. Thankyou!!  
  
Anyway, I said I would dedicate this story to all my wonderful, lovely, amazing reviewers who have followed this story from start to not-finish. So here you go:  
  
I, Sinead a.k.a LegolasLover, hereby dedicate this story, What Happens When Frodo Swallows the One Ring, to all my reviewers. I love you guys!!  
  
So..... Ummm... yeah... *ahem*  
  
Here is the seventh chapter ------  
  
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Aragorn reached the camp a few minutes later. He looked around for Boromir, Legolas and Gimli, who were nowhere to be seen. Pippin and Merry however, came prancing over in the way that only hobbits can, and said, "Wow! Strider, did you take a bath?"  
  
Aragorn chose to ignore that comment and went to sit on a nearby log. Merry and Pippin followed him.  
  
"Go away hobbits. I am trying to come up with a plan for revenge."  
  
"Uh, begging your pardon Strider, but we have been know to be good at planning stuff," Pippin said.  
  
"Oh, really? I thought you had a reputation as an idiot to uphold and that might get in the way of thinking and planning effectively."  
  
Pippin looked hurt. Merry put his arm over Pippin's shoulder.  
  
"How DARE you insult Pip!?"  
  
Aragorn ignored the hobbits and sat in silence. Pippin winked at Merry, and broke down in tears. (A/N: Okay... very out of character, but who gives a poo?)  
  
Merry patted Pippin on the back. "It's alright Pip. I'm sure he didn't mean it..."  
  
Aragorn looked up. "Oh, for the love of Gondor! Alright, you can help me!" Pippin stopped crying and Merry smiled.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"YES! Jeez!"  
  
The hobbits high-fived and grinned. "YES!"  
  
Aragorn sighed. "Okay. If you're going to help me, you better do it properly. That means-"  
  
"Wait a second. Who are we getting revenge on exactly?"  
  
Aragorn looked surprised.  
  
"That stupid elf Legolas, Gimli the idiot dwarf and that bloody annoying excuse for a man, Boromir, of course..." Pippin and Merry exchanged glances. "Oh, um, never mind then. We don't wanna help you anymore."  
  
"For Pete's sake, make up your bloody minds!!!"  
  
The hobbits cringed and hurried away to their tents, leaving Aragorn by himself again. The ranger sat for hours, thinking of every possible revenge plan he could. Everything he came up with seemed to involve Boromir, Legolas and Gimli experiencing gruesome bloody deaths. He decided that that was slightly over the top, and settled for a slightly less painful idea......  
  
********That Evening in the Forest (Sam and Frodo are searching for firewood)********  
  
"Oww! Sam, watch where you're going!"  
  
Sam pulled himself from the floor, rubbing his head and looking around.  
  
"Sorry Mister Frodo, but you shouldn't take off your cloak. I cannot see you." he announced.  
  
"I AM wearing it Sam!" Frodo replied. Sam looked confused.  
  
"Then where are you? I- you... I tripped over you, so you must be nearby, and yet you say that you are still wearing the cloak? This is a problem indeed."  
  
Suddenly, Sam felt something connect softly with his face. A fist. "Mister Frodo?"  
  
"Yes Sam?"  
  
"Did you just punch me?" Sam queried.  
  
"No- well yes... But at least you know that I am here. And I am still wearing the cloak. I will prove it."  
  
There was the sound of a clasp being undone, and suddenly a light brown cloak flew through the air and landed at Sam's feet. Sam looked surprised. He picked up the cloak, examining it closely. Then, placing it back on the ground, Sam held out his hand.  
  
"Mister Frodo, take my hand. We must find Gandalf at once."  
  
********Meanwhile********  
  
Aragorn was sitting alone at the outskirts of the campsite, smoking a pipe and surveying Boromir and Gandalf as they went about cooking the fellowship's dinner. At the opposite end of the camp, Legolas and Gimli were having a sword-to-axe practice fight. Merry and Pippin, who looked slightly drunk, were watching, and appeared to have placed bets on who would win. Whenever Gimli got a hit in, Merry would cry out and punch his fist in the air, and when Legolas made a score, Pippin would cheer.  
  
Aragorn shook his head, disapproving, and took a puff of his pipe. He exhaled, sending wisps of light grey smoke curling in all directions. Legolas marked Gimli, and the match seemed to be over. Pippin looked rather happy. The Elf and Dwarf put away their weapons, and made their way over to where Aragorn was. They took seats beside him, one on either side. Aragorn decided that it was the right time to put his revenge plan into action.  
  
"Legolas," he spoke, "and Gimli. My friends. I would like to say that the previous events of today were rather rude, but have been forgiven. And I have also decided that I would like to go for another. 'bath'. or a swim as you might put it. Tonight if you would. I would like to attempt to recover my boot."  
  
Gimli looked at Legolas suspiciously. The Elf replied, "Will Boromir be joining us?"  
  
"Naturally."  
  
The Dwarf and Elf again exchanged glances, before Gimli called Boromir over to the group. Aragorn explained his "idea" to Boromir and they all agreed to go that very night.  
  
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There! This wont be too much longer I don't think. But then again, when has anything I think been correct? Uh, yeah.....  
  
Well, there aren't any questions really! But:  
  
The Noble Platypus: I like that idea. I don't really have any others except for the one Lily Greenleaf left, so that my be the next one I write. Look out for it some time soon after the completion of this fic!  
  
Lily Greenleaf: Great idea! You can look out for it after I have finished this, and written The Noble Platypus's idea. which may take a while. But don't worry! I WILL do it!!  
  
Oh... and this was from chapter 5, but oh well!:  
  
Tiny Tim: Yes, you are right. I am a girl. Just clearing that up...! :D 


	8. Of Revenge and Really Bad Stuff

Lalalaaaa! Well, this is the eighth chapter, in case you can't count... Yay! I, uh... umm... Well, enjoy!!!  
  
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********Late at Night********  
  
Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli and Legolas (A/N: GASP! I wrote Leggy's name LAST!!! NOOOOOOO.....) walked silently down to the lake together. They were all fully clothed, and didn't really look as though they were about to swim. Which of course, they weren't...  
  
When they reached the lake, Aragorn leaned over the bank. "My boot is out there somewhere, I'm sure of it."  
  
The others shrugged and leaned over the lake also. The water was clean and clear, so the companions could see right to the bottom. Legolas, having the best eyes of the four could easily see the ranger's boot lying at the bottom of the lake. He pointed it out.  
  
"Ai, that be it," Gimli remarked, "yet who will be the one to swim down and retrieve it? It will not be me, for I do not swim."  
  
"Nor do I," Boromir added.  
  
Aragorn looked at his friends. "I have already been for a 'swim' today and therefore think it only fair that I do not go down there again."  
  
All eyes turned to Legolas. The Elf sighed. "Did we not come to this place to swim anyway? And it is Aragorn's boot, why should he not get it?"  
  
Everyone's gaze turned to Aragorn, who mumbled something to himself. "Since I do not fare well in water myself, it appears that my boot will be doomed to stay at the bottom of the lake. And now I will tell you the real reason we have come here."  
  
He grabbed a long rope out from... (A/N: actually, I'm not sure where the rope came from!)... and speedily wrapped it around the trio and around a tree, binding them tight against the bark. They struggled, but could not break free.  
  
"There. I did not bring you down here to swim or to fetch my boot, although getting it back would have been a bonus. I brought you here to repay you for this afternoon's events. I am surprised you did not suspect it. But I would say that is a good thing, because if you had believed this to be a trap, you would not be here now," the ranger laughed.  
  
"Now hold on just one moment," Boromir started.  
  
Aragorn whipped out his sword and held it to Boromir's neck. The man fell silent. Aragorn then moved the sword the to neck of Gimli.  
  
"Sing dwarf! Sing and torture your companions!" he cackled. "Muahahahahahahahahaha!!!"  
  
Gimli gulped and opened him mouth. Legolas and Boromir quickly fumbled around with their clothes, and pulled out two wads each of fluffy cotton (A/N: don't ask where it came from... I am as stumped as you are), which they stuffed in their ears.  
  
As Gimli broke into song, Aragorn frowned. Boromir did not seem to hear Gimli, and even Legolas seemed completely deaf to the Dwarf's singing. The ranger, however could hear each strangled note, every single out-of-tune word.  
  
"Aaarrghhhh!" he screamed. "Stop! You idiot Dwarf! STOP NOW!!"  
  
Gimli stopped at once. "Is there a problem?"  
  
Boromir smirked, and removed the cotton from his ears. Aragorn poked his sword to the man's face. "You would be wise not to smile at such things," he threatened.  
  
The man swallowed loudly and nodded. Legolas watched, sort of freaked by Aragorn's savageness. Knowing that they couldn't stay tied to the tree all night, he took the cotton wads from his ears, and he tried to think of something that would make Aragorn let them go. He pushed the side of his quiver against the tree so it swung around close to his face. Then, using his teeth, he pulled an arrow from it. Aragorn's attention shifted from Boromir to the Elf, as Legolas attempted to slide his bow off his back. He succeeded, and held it awkwardly in his tightly bound hands. Again using his teeth, his put the arrow to the bow, aiming it at Aragorn.  
  
"Let us go, you miserable man!" he commanded.  
  
Aragorn looked surprised. "Are you calling I, Aragorn son of Arathorn, miserable?"  
  
Gimli turned his gaze to the ranger. "I believe he was."  
  
"Why you.... grrrrr," Aragorn growled. Boromir's smirk returned, and Legolas drew back his bow string. Aragorn glanced at the trio tied to the tree, then at Legolas's bow, which he was ready to fire. "Uh..."  
  
"Untie us, or I will shoot you," Legolas warned. Aragorn laughed.  
  
"You wouldn't shoot me you stupid twot! I know you-" he was cut off in mid sentence, as an arrow went flying right by his head, sending a gush of wind through his hair. "Woah!"  
  
The Elf smiled, and pulled another arrow from his quiver. "It seems you do not know me as well as you think you do. Now untie us at once, or I will shoot again. I don't have to miss this time."  
  
"I believe you." The ranger quickly went about untying the trio. Once they were free, Legolas put away his weapon. Gimli and Boromir sighed, and stretched their legs. Boromir looked at Aragorn. He smiled, and turned to the other two. They nodded, and all at once, they pounced on Aragorn, sending him reeling backwards towards the lake. He hit the water with a splash and went under.  
  
Gimli, Legolas and Boromir watched as Aragorn struggled to the surface. Gimli tried not to laugh.  
  
"While your in there, you might as well get your boot back!" the Dwarf called.  
  
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... Please review if you know what's good for you! No questions as such, but...  
  
Rhiannon: Thanks! I know it's not as good as the Shadow Creatures one, but hey!  
  
The Noble Platypus: Yes, your idea was a good one, and I now know that it came from one of your stories, that mono-syllabic LotR one! I have read and LOVE!!! And I cannot imagine how you find my fic so great when yours are so utterly hilarious!!! It was the best fic I have read in a long, long, long time. (short pause) Long time. Great sense of humour you have! And very nice happy dance too. You forking rock!  
  
Evenstar:... Well, I just have updated...  
  
Mr Padfoot1: Cliffies are COOL! Hope you liked this chapter!!! And no matter how delicious my fic may be, you do NOT have permission to eat it. Ever. 


	9. Of Lots of Random Crap

Chapter 9! Eeeep! Never in my dreams did I imagine that this story would be so successful. And I'm actually finishing it, which is a plus. Half the other fics that I've started end up only with a few chapters done. LOL! This chapter is sort of shortish, but it looks longer because of the author's ramble at the start and end.  
  
Oh, and I'd like to say something to Keeper of Insanity: I know there is more stuff in this story about Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir and Gimli(why is Gimli's name always last?) than Frodo and the Ring. But I have a tendency to go off track with stories sometimes, and veer off with extra stuff that happens to the secondary characters, making them more like the main characters. But don't worry! Since the story is called 'What Happens When Frodo Swallows the One Ring', the next few chapters will be focused a bit more around him, Sam and the Ring than anyone else. So, read on to find out all the stupid things that happen in this chapter with Frodo. And yes guys, just in case you were wondering, I AM crazy........  
  
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******** "Did you just punch me?" Sam queried.  
  
"No- well yes... But at least you know that I am here. And I am still wearing the cloak. I will prove it."  
  
There was the sound of a clasp being undone, and suddenly a light brown cloak flew through the air and landed at Sam's feet. Sam looked surprised. He picked up the cloak, examining it closely. Then, placing it back on the ground, he held out his hand.  
  
"Mister Frodo, take my hand. We must find Gandalf at once." ********  
  
The hobbits hurried through the forest. Sam was having a lot of trouble staying upright, as he kept tripping on Frodo's invisible feet.  
  
"Arrgh!" he cried as he pulled himself up for the third time. "Please Mister Frodo, watch where you are going!" Sam felt Frodo's hand upon his back, pulling him to his feet. Dusting himself off, they continued their journey through the forest to the camp.  
  
"GANDALF! GANDALF!" Sam screamed as he dragged Frodo into the campsite by his hand. The wizard appeared from his tent on their left.  
  
"What is it Samwise? What has happened? Is it Frodo?" Gandalf questioned as he swept towards the hobbits. "Where IS Frodo?"  
  
Sam looked to the wizard, confused. "He is here, right next to me. That is the problem." Gandalf searched the area near Sam, but could, of course, not see the other hobbit anywhere. He turned his eyes back to Sam.  
  
"I do not see him. Did he take off his cloak?"  
  
"Yes Gandalf, sir, but not until after I couldn't see him. The cloak turned invisible too."  
  
While this conversation was going on, Frodo was busy trying to free his hand from Sam's iron grip. The poor hobbit was struggling viciously in his grasp, but could not break loose. Sam was holding his hand so tightly that it was cutting off Frodo's circulation. His hand was turning blue with the pressure, but nothing he did could make Sam let go.  
  
"So Samwise, you are saying that anything that Frodo wears will turn invisible?" Gandalf asked.  
  
Sam nodded vigorously. "I believe so. I assume that since the cloak he was wearing was made of Elven thread, it took longer to change. But I think every item he puts on will vanish from sight eventually, and- AAAAAAAAHHHH!!"  
  
Sam jerked his hand up quickly and examined it. There were two teeth marks in the back of his hand, and two in his palm. Blood trickled from them slowly. Frodo, unseen by Gandalf and Sam, waved his hand about crazily, trying to get the blood flowing back through his fingers. Without meaning to, he smacked Sam hard in the face.  
  
"Oww! Mister Frodo! Do you have a death wish for me?!" Sam yelped, and rubbed his cheek tenderly.  
  
(A/N: At this particular part of the story, I got up to get a drink and some lunch. My really "helpful" sister GubblebumPony, decided that she would have a go at typing to save time on this chapter. As I found it quite... amusing, I have left it in! Enjoy.......)  
  
Frodo looked at his feet and blushed. Two red spots appeared where his cheeks were.  
  
Sam looked at the red spots. "Mister Frodo! Are you...blushing?"  
  
"Yes. Yes, I am Sam."  
  
"Mister Frodo, oh Mister Frodo, I love you!" Sam leapt forward and grabbed Frodo in a tight embrace.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Gandalf. "That sexy Ring-bearer is mine!" The old wizard grabbed Frodo from Sam and ripped off his shirt. "Never leave me Frodo," he whispered. Frodo smiled.  
  
"I don't intend to."  
  
Sam burst into tears. "Noooooo! Mister Frodo, how could you do this to me?! Why don't you love me as I so love you?"  
  
Frodo laughed. "Don't you get it, Sam?" Sam looked confused and Frodo rolled his eyes. "You idiot! All your life you have been way too over protective. I like a bad boy, so of course Gandalf was just perfect." At this he turned to Gandalf and they locked lips in a fiery and passionate kiss.  
  
"You dirty hobbit!" Sam yelled. "A wizard! Not even your own kin, nor your age! And yet you feel love for him?!"  
  
"Shut up Gamgee," said Gandalf. "Bother Frodo no more." And with that the wizard ran with Frodo into the forest.  
  
"Curse you, Gandalf!" Sam shreiked. "CURSE YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!"  
  
(A/N: This is where I returned and discovered what she did. And it's also when I told her it was stupidly funny and that I'd leave it in, cause I couldn't think of anything to write. However, I despise slash (unless the characters that it is written about ARE actually gay on the show or in the book or whatever) so I have a surprise for her, which you guys will soon know about! And I have also decided to leave the chapter at this... I don't know why, it just seems right.)  
  
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Yahoo! Chapter 9 is finished, chapter 10 is on it's way!! Now for questions and stuff........  
  
Jaylen: Thanks a bunch! You really think that this story is the best ever written? Wow... umm...... what can I say? Thanks for sending it to your friends, and be sure to tell me what they think of it too, if they don't go on fanfiction.net themselves. Aragorn is annoying, and, while I have nothing against him, it's fun to make fun of him! You said Aragorn looks like your little brother, and I really hope that's only in the cleanliness sense, coz I'd hate to see a kid with a big prickly beard and an ugly dimple in his chin.... Glad you like, and keep on reading and reviewing!!!  
  
elf of avalon: Girlish screams, rabbits and lotr, yes, what could be better than that? What about girlish screams, rabbits, lotr, and a plague of... Well, I'd better not say what the plague is of, or it'll ruin the next chapter! Keep reading!  
  
Mr Padfoot1: No, you cannot eat it. But I may go back on my word and say, you cannot eat it YET. Not until I have finished it, and bought some tomato sauce and mustard.....YUMMY! Glad you like so much! :D  
  
The Noble Platypus: OK then! Thanks for reading, and it does seem that Aragorn cannot get a break, but you never know... His next plan of revenge may be a successful one!..... I guess you'll have to wait and find out.......  
  
Elf with a lightsaber: Yes, I am having Aragorn's last attempt at revenge next chapter, and it may just be a bit more successful than the first. It shouldn't be too long till I update, so keep an eye out! *P.S.: Why the heck did you steal Luke Skywalker's lightsaber?... LOL!  
  
Keeper of Insanity: Wow! So many people think this story is way too funny. I cannot see it as being that hilarious, but that may just be because I wrote it. What Happens When Frodo Swallows the Plantir? LOL! More swallowing... I'll try to do it, but it may be too much. I have just come up with some ideas for Buffy: the Vampire Slayer fics that I think could really be good, and I'd like to do them first, so you may be in for a LONG wait to see that one! Hope you liked this chapter, as it was based more around Frodo than anyone else. Keep reading!!!........ 


	10. Of Complaining and Caterpillars

Teehee! This is the... umm... the tenth chapter! That's right! I have decided to take it from where I left off in the last chapter.  
  
Oh, and sorry I took so long to update. But the school holidays are over *sighs* and I am only allowed on the computer on certain days (Fridays and weekends). That, and I got sucked into Middle Earth. I came out in Mirkwood, so, as you could imagine, I was rather reluctant to leave. I may be going back there soon though, so if there are any questions you would like to ask Legolas, then let me know in your review!! I will ask him, and post a fic with his answers, as well as how the rest of the time I spent in Mirkwood panned out!  
  
So read. Now..... Go on! Quit stalling! ................ Oh, what's that you say? I'M stalling YOU? I don't think so. Why would I stop you from reading? I mean.... oh, I get the point..... the more I write, the longer you'll be reading, and so it is actually me stalling. OK. I'm sorry. So read. Now..... Go on! Quit stalling! ................ Oh, what's that you say? I'M stalling YOU? I don't think so. Why would I.... I'm doing it again. Ok...... I'm really sorry. So read. Now.  
  
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******** "So Samwise, you are saying that anything that Frodo wears will turn invisible?" Gandalf asked.  
  
Sam nodded vigorously. "I believe so. I assume that since the cloak he was wearing was made of Elven thread, it took longer to change. But I think every item he puts on will vanish from sight eventually, and- AAAAAAAAHHHH!!"  
  
Sam jerked his hand up quickly and examined it. There were two teeth marks in the back of his hand, and two in his palm. Blood trickled from them slowly. Frodo, unseen by Gandalf and Sam, waved his hand about crazily, trying to get the blood flowing back through his fingers. Without meaning to, he smacked Sam hard in the face.  
  
"Oww! Mister Frodo! Do you have a death wish for me?!" Sam yelped, and rubbed his cheek tenderly. ********  
  
"Not as such... sorry Sam," muttered Frodo, "but why were you holding my hand so tightly?"  
  
Sam looked to the ground for a moment, and then lifted his head again hoping he was looking in the general direction of Frodo. "I do not wish to lose you. You're my friend Mister Frodo, my best friend."  
  
Gandalf smiled impatiently. "Yes, you two really are the perfect example of friends, yet we have more pressing issues to discuss, such as Frodo's invisibility."  
  
The hobbits seemed to ignore Gandalf's comment.  
  
"Oh, my dear Sam!" Frodo grinned. "Remember when we first met?"  
  
"Mister Frodo, that day will be in my heart forever," Sam said sincerely.  
  
Frodo grinned again. "Don't call me that Sam." With that, he wrapped his arms around Sam and hugged him in the way that only friends can. Sam returned the hug, although he looked rather strange to Gandalf, as he appeared to be embracing mid-air. The wizard mumbled under his breath, before interrupting the hobbit's moment.  
  
"As nice as it is Samwise, Frodo, that you are sharing this moment, there are matters of-"  
  
The hobbits let go of each other slowly and Sam said, "Oh, Mister Frodo, I will always, forever stay by your side."  
  
"Why, Sam, I told you not to call me that. Frodo is just fine."  
  
"OK then Mister... uh,..... Frodo. OK," Sam laughed. Meanwhile, Gandalf was growing annoyed.  
  
"Hobbits! We must-" but he was cut off by Frodo.  
  
"I do hope your hand is alright Sam. I am sorry if I hurt you."  
  
Sam shook his head and smiled, and Frodo patted his friend's shoulder.  
  
"Samwise! Frodo! I really think-"  
  
But by this time, the hobbits had left Gandalf's side and were strolling casually across the campsite. Gandalf followed them(or really just Sam) with his eyes for a while, until they entered their tent, and Sam disappeared from his sight.  
  
He turned around in time to see Aragorn emerge from the forest, dripping wet. Beads of water hung delicately his beard. His feet were clad in tied up strips of leather, which appeared to be the remains of his one boot that WASN'T sitting at the bottom of the lake, and he loked to be quite angry.  
  
As Aragorn approached, Gandalf could hear him mumbling curses under his breath. They were not very audible, but the wizard could make out something about monkeys, caterpillars and ladybirds. He was slightly confused at this, but let it slide. Aragorn strode past, arms swinging strongly, and water dripping everywhere.  
  
"Aragorn, what is troubling you?" Gandalf asked of the man. Aragorn stopped and turned, a look of great frustration on his face.  
  
"What is troubling me you ask? Why, I will tell you what is troubling me! Today, for the second time, I was pushed into a lake. I have lost one of my boots, and was forced to turn the remaining one into leather strip sandals. I was forced to listen to a Dwarf's incessant singing when a revenge plan backfired, and I just misplaced my pipe at the bottom of the lake I was pushed into. And it is all thanks to those useless three; Boromir, Legolas and Gimli!" he finished, and took a deep breath.  
  
Shocked, but slightly amused, Gandalf stared at Aragorn. Aragorn sighed, and Gandalf spoke slowly.  
  
"It seems to me that you have been burdened with bad luck. It will wear away. Perhaps it would be wise to not further your revenge plans."  
  
The ranger grunted and turned away from Gandalf quickly. "My revenge plans are my own business, and if I wish to continue them, it would be appreciated if you did not try to stop me," he muttered, before walking to his tent and entering it grumpily.  
  
******** That Night ********  
  
Every member of the fellowship was seated around the campfire, except Aragorn. No one was entirely sure what he was doing, but he had been in his tent all afternoon and refused to come out, even for food. So the others all sat around the campfire, eating dinner and talking. Merry and Pippin were chatting loudly about food, while shovelling down their potatoes, totally oblivious to the fact that choking was a very likely possibility.  
  
Sam and Frodo (still obviously invisible), were deep in conversation with Gandalf, who seemed to be filling the hobbits in on Aragorn's experiences with the lake, Gimli's singing and the loss of his boot. They appeared to be quite amused by the whole Aragorn ordeal, and were laughing happily, as they hadn't for quite some time. Sam sighed as their laughter subsided, and said to Frodo and Gandalf, "Aragorn seems to have been quite unlucky. But I have more serious things to discuss with you now. Today when we were in the forest, I felt a strange sensation. A sort of shadowy presence. When we ran, it seemed to grow further away, until I could not feel it anymore. What it was, I do not know. All I can tell is that it was horribly evil."  
  
Thoughtfully, Gandalf spoke. "It would appear that you have felt the presence of a Nazgûl Samwise. They must have been draw to the power of the ring. If this is so, Frodo is in more danger than we originally thought." He continued on for quite some time, explaining how they must keep and even closer guard on Frodo and described in great detail the features of the Nazgûl, so that if one of them was to encounter one, they would know instantly what it was. Sam replied that they would probably be able to tell a Nazgûl apart form any other horseback riders, and that they had actually seen them before anyway. This greatly annoyed Gandalf, as he did not like explaining things for no reason, and he was silent for a great length of time.  
  
Legolas, Gimli and Boromir sat together in silence, surveying the others uninterestedly. Legolas swirled his glass of wine rather more forcefully than was necessary and it splattered down Gimli's front. The dwarf thought nothing of it, and took a puff of his pipe. Smoke billowed about them as he exhaled, causing Legolas to cast him a look of great distaste.  
  
"Smoking that thing will do you no wonders," he advised, but the dwarf seemed as ignorant of this comment as he had been of the wine down his front.  
  
Boromir glanced repeatedly at the tent he shared with Aragorn, and wondered what the ranger was doing presently. Probably thinking of possible ways to cast his revenge upon them successfully, he decided after some time. Content with this decision, he sipped at his wine, and returned his gaze to the conversing fellowship, who were no more interesting than they had been five minutes ago...  
  
******** Meanwhile, In Aragorn's Tent ********  
  
"Monkeys, caterpillars or ladybirds?" Aragorn pondered to himself. "Ladybirds do seem rather friendly, so maybe they would not be the best choice. And caterpillars are on the small side, although they are bigger than ladybirds. But they are also very slow. And monkeys, while bigger and scarier, may pose a challenge to find in these parts, so I would not end up with many.... hmmm........." he thought.  
  
All afternoon he had been comparing these three choices. These three ideas of revenge. He planned to create an army and over-run the fellowship with creatures that would do his bidding. It was a brilliant idea, or so he thought. But he could not seem to decide on a creature that would be big enough, smart enough or plentiful enough to make an army out of.  
  
And so he sat, humming to himself as he listed the pros and cons of each animal. "Perhaps," he thought eventually, "I should use a different animal altogether. That could work rather well, as neither the ladybird, the caterpillar nor the monkey comes out as the ideal choice. Yes..... but what to choose... what to choose.................."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, that's it for now. I will update ASAP. Oh, and with your reviews, it would be super cool if you could include a suggestion for an animal that Aragorn could use as his revenge! It can be whatever you like, even if there is no possible way that he could get hold of such a creature in Middle Earth! The sillier the better, so come on guys! :D  
  
And..... It's review answering time again!.....  
  
Tweek2: Wow! Long time no reviews buddy! I haven't heard from you since chapter 5! Hehehe... anyways, I hope you liked this chappie, and I'm glad that you look forward to coming home., just to see if I've updated. Always good to hear positive feedback! Thanks.  
  
Jaylen: you know what, I real happy that your bro doesn't have a dimple in his chin, coz. ugh! It really isn't all that attractive is it? Oh, and since you are a big Sam-lover, I have decided to give him a special part in the next chapter, so you can look forward to that. And just in case you were worried, his hand is all better from when that meanie-poo Frodo bit him! Keep on reading!  
  
Elf with a lightsaber: I see..... so you BORROWED Luke's lightsaber, and now you are evil. Well, I wont question you any further! ;) Good to hear you enjoyed my sister's stupid antics, hope you liked this chappie too!! :D Oh, and good idea for a story. I'll see if I can do, but I have a lot of other commitments at the moment. I'll have to sort through them and choose the most important ones! Oh, what fun that will be.......!  
  
The phantom reviewer: Muahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa! Yes, perhaps I am being too hard on Aragorn, but you just wait until he gets his revenge......!!!!  
  
Aragornsminesobackofffreak!: Thanks for all the OMGs!! Frodo stealing Gandalf's hat? I will try, coz it sounds like it could be a short one. And thanks for sharing this with your pals and your fam. Keep reading!  
  
Moviesavvy: Yes, yes, slash... it is not good. Unless it is funny, stupid and pointless. I have given GubblebumPony a punishment for her actions, however, which you will find out if you read the next "chapter".  
  
Keeper of insanity: God, that would be funny! Gandalf with an imaginary friend!! LOL! Keep on a-reading, and keep on a-smiling! And keep on a- keeping insanity, coz I don't think anyone else wants to!!! :P 


	11. Of Slash and Hack

Hohum. As you know, my sis wrote some bad slash in a previous chapter of this fic. Therefore, I decided it was my responsibility to punish her. And so here it is: GubblebumPony's essay about why writing slash in my fics is wrong! BTW, all the stuff that it has us saying and doing (enclosed in astricts ** like this **) actually happened, and so did the actions. Just for your information!!.............  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Why It Is Wrong To Write Slash In LegolasLover's Fanfictions- A two-page essay by GubblebumPony  
  
~*~ GubblebumPony: Hello ladies and gentlemen. My name, as you know, is GubblebumPony.  
  
*cheers and whoops from the audience*  
  
LegolasLover: Oh, get a life Tiff.  
  
GubblebumPony: No! I don't want to. Now, before we start, do I have to do this?  
  
LegolasLover: YES. *menacing glance*  
  
GubblebumPony: Eep...OK, but I'm only doing this for the fans.  
  
LegolasLover: ...  
  
GubblebumPony: Don't. Say. Anything. Alrighty, here goes...  
  
Macquarie File Dictionary defines "slash" as:  
  
slash / slæ? / , v. 1. to cut with a random or violent sweep. 2. to cut, reduce, or alter, esp. drastically. -n. 3. (a cut or wound made with) a sweeping stroke.  
  
Therefore, I technically did not write "slash" in LegolasLover's fic. "Slash" is merely Internet slang for gay or lesbian stories. There is nothing wrong with poking fun at random Lord of the Rings characters by writing "slash" stories involving said characters. Unless of course, you are a homophobic. There is always the possibility that LegolasLover is homophobic. In fact, I am convinced that she is.  
  
** LegolasLover: *thwacks GubblebumPony over the head with a 'Funk & Wagnulls' encyclopedia* I am not a homophobe!  
  
GubblebumPony: Right... *rubs head* Whatever you say sis.  
  
LegolasLover: *glares evilly at GubblebumPony and thwacks her with the encyclopedia again*  
  
GubblebumPony: Oww! OK! I was kidding! LegolasLover is not a homophobic. But I think she may be slightly brain damaged.  
  
LegolasLover: YOU'LL be brain damaged if you don't shuttup and get on with the essay! *brandishes encyclopedia warningly*  
  
GubblebumPony: Eep...? **  
  
So, where was I? Ah, yes, homophobia. Right. LegolasLover isn't a homophobe. That white rapper Eminem might be though. All the magazine articles I've read about him seem to indicate that he is. Eminem is stupid. Even more so if he IS a homophobe. You would never catch him reading or writing "slash". Actually, you probably wouldn't catch him writing fanfiction at all. Let alone "slash". I am getting sick of the word "slash".....  
  
The Macquarie File Thesaurus gives many other alternatives to the word "slash". Such as gash, hack, slit, tear and lacerate. I like hack. I will now refer to "slash" as hack.  
  
Anyway, back to Eminem. I hate him. Well, I don't hate him. I just dislike him. I have a problem with people who have a problem with gay people. Being Eminem. If he's actually a homophobe. Which he may not be. He has no reason to dislike gay people.  
  
There is nothing wrong with gay people. They're just like the rest of us, but gay guys have better taste in fashion than straight guys do. Like Carson from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". I love that show. I just think that the five gay guys are so cool. I think LegolasLover likes Kyan. And Jai... he is so cute! And he has the sweetest singing voice. I love him! I love them all! *sighs* I just can't get enough of that show. And I think that my support of the show shows how I feel about gays and accept them in our society. Uh, yeah, back to the essay now...  
  
Normally, I wouldn't write hack in LegolasLover's fanfics. Normally, I wouldn't write hack at all. But, well...I felt like it OK?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?!?!?!  
  
Excuse me, I'm sorry. I got a little over the top for a second there...I will try not to do that in future. Yeah. Sorry.  
  
Hey, I just noticed, I'm on the second page! Isn't that cool?! First the worst, second the best, third the man with the hairy chest!...ewww...gross. Lalalala... OOOOOOOH! Listen! I hear a foghorn!  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
HAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT FOGHORN THING IS SOOOOOOOOO FUuiuykhfd  
  
Sorry. I fell over laughing. The word was, "FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". I am sorry for any inconvenience that this may have caused. *spasm attack*  
  
EEP OO EEAA FU JA NI COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
*end spasm attack* Sorry about that. I am truly sorry. I just went a bit crazy there...dunno why. Well, on with this thingy...  
  
So I felt like writing hack in LegolasLover's fanfic. And I did. So what? It's not like I killed the story. Anyway, she loved it. She just won't admit it.  
  
LegolasLover: I DID NOT! I found it slightly amusing, but never would I -  
  
GubblebumPony: Yeah, yeah. Like I said, I didn't kill the story.  
  
LegolasLover: Tiffany, look at Frodo. Look at him.  
  
Frodo: You ruined me! You destroyed the plot! I am entirely humiliated!  
  
GubblebumPony: Wait, where is he? I can't see him!  
  
Frodo: I'm invisible, remember?  
  
GubblebumPony: Oh yeah. I kinda forgot that in my fic.  
  
LegolasLover: Your fic? YOUR fic?! *holds up encyclopedia and chases GubblebumPony around the room*  
  
Frodo: Right then, my turn at the keyboard! *pulls up sleeves*  
  
There has been a slight technical error. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused. *spasm attack*  
  
GubblebumPony: The End!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
OK, there's GubblebumPony's essay, written entirely by her. I'm not quite sure that she actually reached the point of this whole thing, but I found it funny anyway. I hope you guys liked it, and I'm sure she'll never write "hack" in one of my fics again...... unless it is requested or something!! Ciao! :D  
  
- LegolasLover 


	12. Of Baldness and Bad Guys

IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Guess who's back?!!? Sorry it took me SO bloody long to update. School is crappyful. That, plus I was abducted by aliens and I... oh never mind. That excuse just never seems to work. Ah, I've made this chapter longer to try and make up for my absence.  
  
Hmm..... OOH! I know.....  
  
OK. Hobbit fans. Aragorn fans. Legolas not-fans. Brace yourselves. This is the chapter. The chapter in which the Hobbits are heroes, Aragorn FINALLY gets his revenge good and proper, and Legolas.... well... you'll just have to read to find THAT out!  
  
So here it is...... The probably REALLY long awaited update................................  
  
And so he sat, humming to himself as he listed the pros and cons of each animal. "Perhaps," he thought eventually, "I should use a different animal altogether. That could work rather well, as neither the ladybird, the caterpillar nor the monkey comes out as the ideal choice. Yes..... but what to choose... what to choose.................."   
  
It was early morning, not yet light. Aragorn was the first in the Fellowship to wake. He took this opportunity to put the first part of his new plan into action. During the night he had had a brilliant idea. Silently, he exited his tent and crept across the campsite. In his hand was a small silver object and in his eyes was a gleam of revenge. And this time, it would all work out. He knew it...  
  
"Has anyone seen Aragorn?" Boromir had awoken to find the other bed in his tent was empty. Aragorn had gone.  
  
"No Boromir. Why? Did he not say where he was going?" Gimli replied.  
  
"He was gone when I woke."  
  
"Ah..."  
  
All the Fellowship seemed not to know where Aragorn was. And even more strange was the fact the Legolas refused to exit his tent. Gimli did not know why, nor did anyone else. They had all tried to coax him out, but he wouldn't budge. Pippin and Merry decided to have one more try at bringing Legolas outside.  
  
"Come on Legolas. Gandalf has some wine out here. It is some of the sweetest I have tasted in an age," Merry lied.  
  
Pippin looked confused. "There's no wine out he- Oh!" He caught on, "right. It is soothing to both the throat and the mind. Legolas, I am sure you would most appreciate such a beautiful drink."  
  
"No, thankyou hobbits. I think I will pass on the wine for now." Legolas's voice came from within the tent.  
  
The hobbits sighed. "We tried," said Pippin, bored. They nodded at each other and walked away, looking for breakfast.  
  
In the forest  
  
Aragorn was almost ready for his master plan of revenge. In his hand he held a huge bag full of moving things, and behind him stood the largest army of angry, war-paint smeared, spear holding platypi anyone had ever seen(A/N: thankyou for your AoAP, Noble Platypus!).  
  
"Ok platypi, listen up! I am going to release these chickens on the fellowship, and while they are running around stirring everyone up, I would like you to charge upon them. It should make them think twice about trying to embarrass me in the future."  
  
The platypi nodded and shook their spears angrily. Aragorn sneaked slowly out of the forest, followed closely by his army. When he reached the edge of the trees, he tipped his huge bag upside down, and about 50 chickens fell out. They ran towards the campsite, clucking and flapping their wings crazily. Aragorn slipped back into the safety of the trees, and followed them around the campsite, hidden in the thick leafy branches. He watched with a satisfied smile, as the hobbits ran around in circles, trying to escape from the chickens. One of the birds seemed to have found Frodo, as it was perched on something invisible, and was pecking at it a bit.  
  
Once the chickens had stirred everyone up, and Gandalf had managed to clear them all away, Aragorn motioned for his platypi army to move forward. They charged out of the forest, hooting and waving their spears about their heads.  
  
"Ahhh!" Gimli cried, pointing at the army of advancing monotremes. "It's an army of advancing monotremes!"  
  
"Ahhh!" cried Boromir, Gandalf, Sam, Frodo, Merry and Pippin. They all started running away from the angry platypi, narrowly avoiding being hit by the long sharp spears. Sam grabbed a sword from a tent as he ran past, and held it out to one of the platypi. The creature met his sword with it's spear, and they began a fencing match. Eventually, Sam was the victor, and his opponent ran off into the forest to hide. Meanwhile, Boromir was having some problems. As five platypi surrounded him and backed him towards Legolas and Gimli's tent, he tried to fend them off with his sword. They just kept dodging the blows, and eventually they pushed Boromir into the tent.  
  
"Ahh!" Legolas's muffled voice was heard from inside. "Kindly get off me Boromir." Boromir righted himself, and Legolas appeared from under his sheets.  
  
"Oh my..." started Boromir.  
  
Legolas grabbed at his sheets and pulled them over his head, but it was too late. Boromir had already seen all there was to see.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The man burst into a fit of raging laughter. "Is that why you've been hiding in the tent this entire time?"  
  
From under the sheets, Legolas nodded. "I do not wish for the others to see me in this state."  
  
"Oh, my dear Legolas, it isn't all that bad."  
  
"Really?" The elf pulled the sheets down, revealing an almost completely bald head. Aragorn had obviously thought that it would be funny to cut off Legolas's beautiful locks, and it seemed to have worked.  
  
"Yes. But we need you outside my friend. We have a slight monotreme problem."  
  
Legolas sighed, and reluctantly clambered out of the tent after Boromir.  
  
"Oww!"  
  
"Oh, sorry Frodo," Boromir apologised and the invisible hobbit hopped away, laughing from seeing Legolas's head.  
  
With Legolas now helping, and Gimli and Gandalf finding weapons, the fellowship finally managed to get rid of the platypi army. Once they were gone, everyone gathered together.  
  
"Aragorn?" Merry asked, and received nods of agreement from the others. Pippin suddenly noticed Legolas, and tried to stifle a laugh.  
  
Legolas looked offended. "Look hobbit, 'Tis not my fault that I have been cursed with this fate. The blame lies purely on Aragorn."  
  
Pippin shrugged and even Gandalf had to try hard to conceal his laughter.  
  
"Frodo?" Sam questioned, "are you still here?"  
  
Answering Sam's question, Frodo poked his friend in the stomach playfully. "OK then, uh... yeah thanks." Sam muttered. The fellowship were just about to settle down and have lunch, when they were overwhelmed by a dark and menacing presence.  
  
Gandalf looked around solemnly, and felt the presence of advancing Nazguls. The others felt it too. The hobbits quickly armed themselves, and Gandalf gripped his staff tight. Legolas retreated into his tent to find a weapon. Just then, the Nazgul burst out of the forest. The lead horse reared up on it's hind legs, and the other two halted. The fellowship stood, staring at their foe, when all of a sudden, three arrows whipped through the air towards one of the horses. The arrows met their target, and the horse reared up, neighing in pain. Legolas stood outside his tent, and almost as soon as the first arrows had hit, he strung another two. Gandalf nodded and raised his staff high above his head, chanting, and creating a powerful protective force around the fellowship. Aragorn sensed the danger and came charging out of the forest to aid his friends.  
  
One of the Nazgul dis-mounted from his horse and strode toward to protective shield surrounding the companions. With one sweep of his powerful, gloved hand, he broke the shield and threw Gandalf, Boromir and Gimli across the campsite. Legolas was next in the firing line, when another Nazgul turned the elf's arrows in mid air, and flung them back towards him. He dodged all but one, which hit him in the hip, and he fell to the ground, bleeding steadily. Aragorn ran over to the elf but was hit hard by one of the Nazgul's horses, and fell heavily by Legolas's side.  
  
Only the hobbits remained in action. Merry and Pippin swung their swords around and around, sending their enemies backwards, while Sam was flinging daggers at one. Frodo was of course, invisible to his friends, but not to the Nazgul. He ran back and forth, trying to avoid the dark figures. The hobbits were doing a fantastic job fending the Nazgul off, until...  
  
"Help!" Frodo screamed. Sam looked around. One of the three had Frodo held tightly under his arm, or at least he looked like he did, since Sam couldn't actually see the hobbit.  
  
"Don't worry Frodo, I'm coming!" Pippin yelled charging towards the Nazgul, wielding his sword. Sam and merry joined him, and helped to keep away the other two as well. Unfortunately, they seemed to be losing the fight, when Gandalf regained consciousness and climbed to his feet, chanting all the while. A quick wave of his staff, and two of the Nazguls were blown off their feet and back out of sight. Their horses followed, eager to escape from the battle. As Gandalf helped the hobbits, Aragorn also came to, and grabbed Legolas's bow. He pulled and arrow from the elf's quiver, and whipped it through the smouldering camp fire remains. It caught fire, and Aragorn fired it at the remaining Nazgul. The figure dropped appeared to drop Frodo as he burst into flame, and mounted his horse, which he rode off on quickly.  
  
"Well done hobbits, you were very brave," Gandalf commended. The hobbits beamed. "Now we must help our friend Legolas. He has had a lot of bad luck this day." Gandalf motioned toward the elf, who was lying on the ground, coiled up in pain. Blood flowed slowly out from his wound. Sam hurriedly went about removing the arrow from Legolas's side, and tending to the wound with water and ripped cloth, although he had to try hard not to laugh at the site of the elf's bald head. Frodo, Merry and Pippin went and sat together on a nearby log, trying to regain their composure, and Gimli and Boromir were also recovering from being flung aside by the Nazgul. Everyone was fairly shaken up and they knew that they needed to move away from their camp.  
  
Gandalf gathered them all together, and told them so. "We must carry on our journey ,we have stayed her long enough. Sauron knows we are here now, and he will return. Pack everything up. We will leave at sunset."  
  
OK. It is finally updated. How exciting! : ) Oh, right... reviews..........  
  
-.-CHAPTER TEN-.-  
  
Jaylen: Yes... maybe you and Gimli were meant for each other. Although I have never met anyone who was a fan of Gimli in THAT sort of way... And don't you worry about Sam! He was the hero today wasn't he? Bye for now...  
  
Elf with a lightsaber: No. I will not join with you. I choose to use my powers for good, not evil. Muahahahahaaaaa.. oh, sorry... That was a little evil wasn't it? And obviously I used your suggestion of the platypus, only there was an army of them. And they were angry. Very angry...!  
  
Insane Elven Pirate: Thanks! Keep reading!  
  
The Noble Platypus: Thankyou for letting me borrow your AoAP. They have made this chapter a success! And thankyou for being such a faithful reviewer. What would I do with out you? :D  
  
Moviesavvy: Well there it is... And did you like Gubblebum Pony's punishment? Well, keep reading!  
  
-.-CHAPTER 11-.-  
  
Tweek2: Yes... school is horrible! Anyways... glad you liked Gubblebum Pony's essay! I'll be sure to let her know. Cya soon! : )  
  
The Noble Platypus: I have finally updated. Oh my! I'm turning into you! I have never left a story this long without updating before... Oh well... I hope you're okay with me using the essay idea for Gubblebum Pony? It just sort of seemed like a good idea. Till next time my friend!  
  
Keeper of Insanity: Thanks for your chicken suggestion. As you can see, they were most helpful in this chapter. Hope you liked it, and I look forward to hearing more from you soon.  
  
Mr Padfoot1: I'm sooooo sorry that it took me so long to update. I hope you haven't forgotten me?  
  
DaredevilX: It was odd wasn't it? That's Gubblebum Pony for ya!!!  
  
Jandalf the orange: Where'd you come from? LOL. It's always nice to get new reviewers! Nice name by the way...  
  
Pippinfan25: Yes. It was.  
  
-.-PIPPINFAN25-.-  
  
To answer your very first question, yes, I have seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail, but I wasn't actually thinking of it when I wrote in the thing about the rabbits.  
  
Gandalf liked Legolas' act, because I am the author and I said he did. As for Pippin, I didn't realise he wasn't mentioned. I was trying to get them all included, but I must have missed him out by accident. And they didn't all get to do an act because I ran out of time.  
  
Legolas does always seem to appear out of nowhere doesn't he? Well that is the mystery of my fanfic. But I bet you're smiling after the end of this chapter aren't you? Go on! Admit it!  
  
Thankyou for reviewing, even if you don't like Legolas. And I hope you liked this chapter!  
  
-.-OTHERS-.-  
  
The Flying Cake of Doom: Thanks a heap. Publicity is always a very good thing. I'm glad you like.  
  
Doom Cake Wannabe: Good to hear that you like my writing so much. It makes me all happy to hear stuff like that. OOOOH! Lease don't kill me! I have continued now.  
  
The Cat in the Bowler Hat: Sorry if Barbarus is dead. I didn't mean to kill him. I have updated now, so hopefully he is still alive to read it. Thanks for your support. :D 


	13. Of Dirty Feet and Deja Vu

Umm… coughs loudly Well, as odd as it may seem, I am in fact still alive. My loyal reviewers- I am SORRY! I haven't been on for ages, and a few days ago I came on to read some Beyblade fic, and I suddenly realised it's been what?… 6 months since I last updated. So I have finally gotten my act together and am updating the fic. Sorry it's kinda short. Hope you all enjoy it, and believe me, there'll be more up very soon, before I forget again!…

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_Previously..._

_Gandalf gathered them all together, and told them so. "We must carry on our journey, we have stayed her long enough. Sauron knows we are here now, and he will return. Pack everything up. We will leave at sunset."_

So at sunset, the fellowship moved off, packs slung high on their backs, spirits similarly high as they discussed some of the more memorable moments from the last week.

"Remember when we got attacked by those rabbits Sam?" Frodo asked.

"How could I not, Miste-… Frodo? That was the start of all this."

They continued on, aiming to put as much distance between them and the campsite as possible. Legolas stayed at the front of the group, directing them through the darkness. But though his eyes were keen, the black of night was considerably hard to see through. Pippin suggested lighting a torch to guide the way, but Gandalf was quick to change his mind, insisting that a fire would bring Sauron down upon them as quickly as you could say 'Gondor'. The hobbit sighed, and the companions carried on.

Some hours later, Aragorn spoke up. "This is hopeless! Do none of you see that?" The Fellowship halted, and Aragorn stood up front, voicing his opinion. "We have been walking for hours, with no clue where we're going. We can't see a damn thing in this darkness, and I for one would like to know why it is that we're journeying at night."

The company exchanged glances. Aragorn continued.

"We're all hungry, the hobbits are exhausted, and my feet are aching to no end!" he gestured towards his feet for added effect. The strips of dirty, worn leather that bound them were the sad remains of his one boot. The other, they guessed, still lay at the bottom of the lake. "We must stop here, and continue on at dawn. We all need rest, and feed."

Silence met Aragorn's words, as everyone considered what the Ranger was saying. Merry was the first to speak.

"I agree with Aragorn. We are exhausted, and we all need food. The Nazgul won't find us here, and there's only a few hours until morning anyway. We should just rest, and move on at sunrise."

The other three hobbits cheered in support. Aragorn looked smug- at last, somebody was agreeing with him. Gimli glanced at everyone, and shrugged. He took a seat on what appeared to be a large log, and closed his eyes. Within minutes, rough snores escaped his mouth. Gandalf narrowed his eyebrows, but took a seat by Gimli's side, and leaned his head forward, falling into a light sleep. Merry, Pippin, Boromir and Aragorn followed suit. Legolas walked lightly past the sleeping figures, and stepped up onto a boulder. With a sudden whim, he jumped down and frowned.

'How strange… I couldn't possibly have known that the boulder was there, so how did I know to step up, instead of walking into it? Something about this feels familiar…' the elf sat atop the rock and mused this for a while.

Meanwhile, Sam and Frodo were settling down with the others. Sam curled up on the ground, insisting that it was more comfortable than sitting on a log, while Frodo opted to sit with Gimli, Gandalf, Aragorn, Boromir, and the other two hobbits. With a tired sigh, Frodo leaned backwards, resting his back against a thick tree trunk behind him. With a start, he jumped to his feet. Something wasn't right about this.

'How did I know there was a tree behind me? If any of the other's had leant back, they would have fallen… wait! How do I know that? This is a bad sign…' Frodo shook his head, and walked away from the log. Not even stopping to ask himself how he knew where he was going, he stopped at Legolas' boulder and leaned against that instead, a entered into a restless sleep.

In the morning, Legolas and Frodo were sure to find out what had been troubling them about their surroundings, but for the time, the best thing to do was rest.

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-.-REVIEWS-.- 

OK, I don't have time to reply to each individual review, but I will update soon and will do so then. Thanks guys for being so supportive of this fic. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Wasn't funny or anything, but what happens next may surprise you a little. I have a few plans for the Fellowship now! Only a few more chapters to go I reckon. Then it'll all be over. See you soon!


	14. Of Visibility and Very Scary Things

I'm back with another update! Gyah, all my readers disappeared! If any of you are out there… read this?! Lol... okay, thanks Platy, for you review. At least one of you is still reading. Here we go……

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The morning brought with it the awakening of the Fellowship. Legolas and Frodo were the first to wake, brains instantly working double speed to decipher the troubles that lurked in the back of their minds. Why did everything feel so familiar? The hobbit studied the area around him, looking for any clues that lead to the reason behind his and Legolas' Déjà vu. 

In the pre dawn light, not much was visible to the naked eye. Frodo had no idea where he was, just the feeling that something was wrong. He looked up, discovering Legolas sitting stock still on the rock, but for his eyes, which were eagerly scanning their surroundings.

"Legolas?"

The elf turned his gaze downwards, eyes settling in the spot he predicted Frodo was. It was almost an awkward situation. Though Legolas had sworn to look over Frodo as part of the Fellowship, the two had had little direct conversation. Frodo being invisible added to the weirdness of the situation.

"Frodo," Legolas acknowledged.

"You got it too, didn't you?" Frodo asked.

The elf looked thoughtful. "What?"

"This place is familiar. Or something about it anyway. It makes me a little nervous to tell you the truth."

Nodding, Legolas replied, "It is familiar. I can feel it. Last night, I knew this boulder sat before me. I knew to step, rather than falling over it. I thought maybe it was just my kin's sharp senses, but I noticed other things too. How flat the ground is, and the footprints. There are footprints scattered around this place. Hoof prints too."

Frodo thought for a while. He stood, and let the elf know that he was going to look around a little. Frodo walked slowly in order to avoid crashing into things, and looked closely at trees and rocks, registering their positions in his mind. But while he carefully dodged higher obstacles, he payed little attention to what was directly in front of him. It was too long before Frodo tripped and fell, scattering soot everywhere, and landing on a hard object. He rolled over, groaning.

Legolas heard the painful moans of the hobbit, and sprung up, quickly following the sound. What he saw shocked him more than a little bit.

"Frodo!" the Legolas cried, running to the hobbit's side. "Frodo, I can see you!"

Legolas' excited shouting was all it took to pull his companions out of their peaceful slumber. Eager to see what all the commotion was about, Merry, Pippin and Sam were with Legolas and Frodo in an instant. The daggers held above their heads were quickly replaced into their belts, and the hobbits stared in amazement at Frodo's now extremely visible, nude body.

"Ahhh!" Frodo yelped, and grabbed a branch off an overhanging tree, attempting to hide his nakedness. "Where are my clothes?"

"Ahhh!" cried Gimli, Boromir and Aragorn who had just arrived at the scene. "Where are your clothes?"

Frodo frowned at them, and ran to hide behind the tree, a scarlet hue spread lightly across his cheeks.It seemed that his fall had caused theRing the dislodge itself from whatever it was caught on in Frodo's system.

Gandalf magically appeared by Frodo's side, waved his staff around a bit, mumbled some incoherent mumbo-jumbo, and suddenly, Frodo was wearing clothes again. The very embarrassed hobbit walked out into the open again, dropping his leafy branch on the ground behind him.

Black ashes were smudged across his faces, arms and feet, and caught up in his hair. In the dawn light, the fellowship could now clearly see the remains of the fire that Frodo had fallen on. Also clearly seen was their location.

"Oh in the name of all that is holy…" Boromir trailed off.

"Trust an elf to lead us in the dark," Aragorn grumbled.

"Well you did," Frodo reminded the ranger absent mindedly. Aragorn scowled, and went to sit down on Legolas' boulder.

"Uh, shouldn't we all be panicking or something?" asked Pippin. "This can't possibly be good."

And he was right. Unbeknownst to the companions, Legolas could see no better at night than any of the others could. The result? The elf had guided the party back to their original campsite.

"Sorry," Legolas supplied.

Sam tried to be comforting, "'Tis not your fault Legolas Sir. None of us could see either. Any among our number would have lead us into a similar… or worse situation, I'm sure. Do not worry yourself."

Merry agreed hastily, "Yeah! Besides, Frodo's visible again, so at least something good has come out of this."

Everyone decided that Merry's words were true, but that they were definitely in danger at the campsite. The sooner they moved on again, the better. And they could feel an all too familiar dark presence getting closer to them as they spoke.

Suddenly, with no warning at all, a big bunch of flying dragon like things with Ring Wraiths sitting merrily on their backs, came bursting from above the trees, and swooped menacingly over the terrified Fellowship. There were six of them in all, nobody was sure of where the other three were. As far as they were concerned, six was plenty.

One of the beasts dove down at the fairly defenceless group, and screeched at them evilly. As if in attempt to show how much better at screeching he was, a second beast landed by the first, and let out a mighty loud shriek. A third followed suit. It seemed more like a noise making contest than an assault on the Fellowship. So Frodo joined in.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" he screamed in a deafeningly loud, high pitched, girly scream. The dragon like things fell silent. Frodo did too. A quick glance behind him showed that they were surrounded by Nazgûl. The heavy breathing of the angry winged creatures was the only sound for what seemed like an age.

The situation was getting tense, when five arrows flew through the air, making their mark in one of the dragon's necks. Everyone turned in surprise to see Legolas and Aragorn, both working the same bow. Aragorn held the bow steady, while Legolas strung each arrow, and released the bow string when the elf was ready. Four more arrows zoomed through the air, and hit one of the creatures in the head. The sight of the elf and ranger working together was amazing enough for Gimli and Boromir, that they still stood in awe, long after everybody else had drawn their weapons, ready to fight if necessary.

"We have beaten them before, we will beat them again!" Aragorn yelled. Boromir and Gimli became aware of their battle ready friends, and whipped out their own respective weapons. Gandalf waited as another array of arrows hit their target, and the victim let out a mighty scream, before ordering the companions into battle.

Swords thudded into thick, scaly flesh. Giant, pointed teeth gnashed at shoulders and faces. Screams and moans of agony filled the air around them. Even though nobody had a source of fire, it appeared that Legolas had managed to set his arrows alight before Aragorn launched them, and three Nazgûl were running around on fire.

The Nazgûl themselves were fought off without too much trouble, but their mounts proved a lot more difficult to be rid of. No amount of arrows brought them down. No amount of heavy axe slashes seemed to do anything but anger them further. Things were starting to look bad for the group.

But as it is in situations like these, something unexpected was about to happen. From somewhere deep in the forest, hundreds of pairs of feet thudded on the soft, leafy floor, heading for the fight. Not a single person noticed when a small furry animal, bounded to the edge of the camp and sat, observing the scene. Before long, the animal was joined by at least a hundred others, and with noses twitching, and feet thumping nervously. The rabbits had returned.

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There were are. I hope this is liked. More will be up soon. Maybe something with a Christmassy theme, considering that it's this time of year! Of course, in Middle Earth it's not, but hey, an author's gotta have some fun! Since I didn't answer reviews last time, let's get into those now… 

**REVIEWS**

-.-Chapter 12-.-

**Eowyn Skywalker:** I was able to remember what your review said, because I still have them all! No longer evil? Well perhaps I will have to consider joining with you. The forum looks very nifty, I checked it out this morning. The 101 Ways to Die in Middle Earth thread was very funny, though I didn't read them all yet. And I love the introduction on the home page. But I'm very busy currently. So we'll see… Glad you is liking the fic. Hope you lied this chapter too, if you ever read it!

**Jaylen:** Hehe… it took me a long time to update before… even longer for chapter 13. But do not worry. I will regularly update now, until this is finished… which I can't imagine will take too much longer. A couple of chapters maybe? One of you fave stories? Well that's pretty darn cool. Hope you're still reading, wherever you are!!

**The Noble Platypus:** My breeding plot bunnies have had a lot of babies. I'm in the process of deciding which ones I like the best, and will be writing more soon, promise! I'm so happy I finally updated, it feels good to be back in the writing gig. Turning into you was meant as a compliment… well, sorta. It takes me so long to update, but if my stories are as good as yours, then hopefully they're worth the wait.

**Keeper of Insanity:** Yay, cookies! _-munches absent mindedly_- Thanks a lot! Sorry it took so long for me to update this… gyah… I need to find more time to write. Hope you enjoyed it anyway!

**TerracotaPot:** -_does happy dance- _Thanks so much! Love to hear stuff like that.

-.-Chapter 13-.-

Ok… so I only had one review for this chapter… _-sigh-_ Thanks **Platy**. Great to hear you're still reading.

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**_MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!_**

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	15. Of Fighting and Fell Beasts

Umm… Yes. I so did not forget that I was ever writing this story.

Not a single person noticed when a small furry animal, bounded to the edge of the camp and sat, observing the scene. Before long, the animal was joined by at least a hundred others all with noses twitching, and feet thumping nervously. The rabbits had returned.

The sun shone cheerily upon the desperate fellowship. Caught up in a battle of almost epic proportions, nine men against six deadly fell beasts, they were fighting to stay alive. It was not until they felt ready to surrender, when help finally arrived, in the least expected of ways.

"Frodo!" Sam called, swinging his sword wildly. "Are you hurt?"

The other hobbit had fallen, with a heavy blow to the stomach. He lay on the dusty ground, gasping for breath. Managing to nod weakly, Frodo replied, "It's OK Sam, I'll be alright. Keep fighting!"

Sam reluctantly heeded Frodo's advice, and kept on, though it seemed he was fighting a losing battle. Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir, and Gimli were managing to keep three of the six beasts at bay, with a steady stream of arrows and sword wipes. Gandalf had a handle on another of their attackers, aided as always by magic. And the three hobbits still on their feet valiantly fought against the other two. Things were not looking good for the fellowship. But then, from the edge of the forest, they came. An army several hundred strong, a rainbow of whites, greys, browns and blacks, the rabbits joined the fight. And the fell beasts couldn't have asked for a worse fate.

The rodents advanced speedily and fearlessly, feet thumping the ground as they ran. And boy, did the fellowship notice.

Sam's warning rang clear. "Mister Frodo, the rabbits have returned!"

Frodo looked around in time to see several dozen white rabbits leap onto him, over him, and past him, continuing on to attack the winged beasts. Aragorn and Boromir dropped their swords and stepped aside, allowing the fluffy animals free passage. Merry and Sam followed suit, helping Frodo to his feet, and dragging him with them. Gandalf held a magical cloak over the battle, but he too stepped back. Legolas, out of arrows, joined the others in safety, before being swarmed. Pippin seemed to be slightly distracted by the rabbits and they too by him. He eventually rushed to the sidelines, followed by several of the adorable fluff-balls, who sat with him, watching their companions fight the fell beasts.

The other rabbits were putting up a mighty good defence, biting, scratching, and jumping all over the enemies. Soon much over-powered by the rabbits' fierce onslaught, the black dragons retreated, screeching, infuriated at their defeat. Heavy wing beats echoed in the sky shortly after, the Nazgul and their mounts heading back to Mount Doom.

The victors crowded in the centre of the campsite, noses twitching, ears pricked. Pippin was the first to join them. He bent down and scratched the leader behind the ear in thanks. Without a word, the others were quickly by his side. Frodo and Sam stood slightly offside, still nursing painful memories and body wounds from their last encounter with the creatures. The rabbits seemed to lap up the praise, but after a time, they grew bored, and eventually disappeared into the wilderness, leaving the fellowship in a content, relieved silence.

I hate to say that's where I'm leaving it for now, but I have. It's barely a chapter, but it'll do. Only one more chappie to go now! Wow don't we all look excited? cough

OK, review answering time.

B hotdogfish: /B Glad you like it, and it's great to have a new reader.

B moonlit-leaf: /B Thanks! I'll try.

B Eowyn Skywalker: /B Nice to know you're still reading. I truly don't think you ever had your sanity to begin with. But that makes two of us. Such is life.

B The Noble Platypus: /B SO sorry it took me so long to update again. Last chapter will be up within two days, I swear it!

B darklink231: /B Lol. That's awesome to know. :)

B NiennaElanor: /B It's out of character on purpose. I do have a crazy sense of humour. But I must ask, why is my writing style immature? I consider myself quite a mature person, just a little twisted. The word immature cuts quite deep for me, especially in relation to my writing, something I hold in high regard as one of my best talents. Or only talents. Plus, I'm only fourteen years old. What do you expect? For me to be able to write like Tolkien when in my early teens? Besides, without you properly explaining what you mean by "immature writing" I don't see any possible way for me to improve. So, care to elaborate? Sorry if I seem rude, but I would really like to know what you mean. :)


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